VOW OF SILENCE

I first thank God,

the most merciful, the most gracious, the most bountiful, and the most wise.

May He continue bestowing these bounties upon me.

Keeping me from the lowering of my frequencies and the faltering of my faith. Keeping me from the desires of my carnal soul.

Keeping me from the devil and his corrupting works. I implore you, God

To bless me with what I require to better worship You.

To bless me with the knowledge that You own.

To bless me with the bounties that You own.

To bless me with a place in the Paradise that You own.

MAY 15 2024

Day one:

Becoming more mindful, as I increase in willpower, regarding the habitual patterns of my mind and the thoughts i received. The differentiation between the carnal soul, the devil, and I became a lot clearer. I was in control for a majority of the day, although i felt the grip slip, I was well aware. Mentally I was so prepared, the dopamine reset took only a few hours and i found myself enjoying the company of nothingness. Productivity increased, yet it became very hard to get through the day without worry of those in my life.

MAY 16 2024

Day two:

Further productivity, as the day went smoother, introspection became easy. A mind, my mind, became a tool rather than a corrupter and something to be fearful of. Completely living inside of my head i felt as if i was watching the world, no longer a participant or even a part of the body i owned, a glorified observer. My actions were made with more cognizant effort, as i mentioned before my mind became a tool. I started to appreciate the nature as i saw it breathing, the grass and trees felt a lot more lively today than they have before. I noticed the smallest of creatures, and found Gods sign in them all .

I overslept today, but i hope that tonight's sleep will go by smoothly.  Prayer became an entirely different experience. The idea of prayer becoming an entrance to a dimension of God seems hard in the chaos of speaking, but as i found peace in my mind, prayer became easy and even enlightening in solace I couldn't find before. I still long for a distraction, or a friendly voice, but i can tell the abstinence of it has done me very well.

I hope tomorrow, my last day, will also go relatively relaxed. I plan to annotate 100 pages all in tomorrow’s time ( i did 100 in the past two) so it will definitely be challenging. May Allah help me and make my prayers for this abstinence's reasoning be answered if it will benefit me.

MAY 17 2024

Day three

What a beautiful day! I cannot thank God enough, for He bestowed upon me patience and productivity of no other. I woke up at 3am to perform the call of Tahajjud and from then till 8am I had not been distracted, but by the smallest mosquito, annotating and understanding His Divine Quran. Everything felt so clear, i knew what i must do, and i flawlessly executed each of my expectations as if God made sure to Will each of my requests just for today. Before i continue, I must thank God again, so many signs presented to me, in the garden. I basked with ladybugs, real ladybugs i had not seen for almost a year. Nature became a frequency i could relate to, i even noticed the conversation of two crows, another one joined soon after. In the business of my life i never noticed how noisy this world is, but a noise that speaks of only peace. A man even came up to me even, asking me if i i was mute and i replied with a nod, he told me that it was good i was still reading because no matter what you should always have the remembrance of God close to your to tongue, “In this is a sign if you believe”. Now as my fast has broken and i begin to use my tongue, i feel the Lord has lighted my Lamp. as not only do i watch my words, but as i close my mouth my thoughts are cautious as well. 

I finally understand what Rumi meant when he said “I am naught, He is All”...

Of course the initial derivation being that God is more than us, but i wonder still.

A dervish who strives for God and His messenger leaving all else behind is like a drop of water entering into a vast ocean. Into Gods essence, you reach the blissful state, it is the death of the carnal soul and the will for this finite realm when you can reach this.

Buddhists call them Boddhisatvas, Christians say Christ Consciousness , Hindus say “We have become Him”, I believe the truth is إسلام. The most ultimate submission, the one in which we witness every day and night, the sun and the moon, the trees and the roots, the birds and the ants, the soul and the body, protons and neutrons, the nature in which are Gods signs.

I think there is a very rational understanding behind Imam Shaf 'i saying “If a man embraces Sufism, then the next day he will have become a Fool”. The line of blasphemy-becomes a dangerous one, but i believe here is where the ascension may take place. There is only One God, He is the Creator of All and He Knows Best.

Did the drunkard not become the saint, drowning in his new intoxication, the gambler who turned to piety, becoming an ascetic, or the adulterer who became a scholar, repenting and dedicating his nights to The One.

Only those, who were stood at the precipice of death, bliss, fear, love, pain. In the end it is all the same, they all leaped into the vastness of his Oneness. In the sense of the phrase we are nothing, and He is One. To accept this fact we must understand that 1 + 0 still equals 1, a drop into an ocean does not change its name.

Clay without breath is just clay. A man without The One is naught. I do not have any knowledge, or am i allowed to speak for His Majesty, I praise God for the knowledge and will He has bestowed, but I am only certain of His Oneness, nothing else.